"Consideration and hesitation"

Hello.
This is Aoyagi.

This week, I'd like to write about "consideration" (配慮 - hairyo) and "restraint" (遠慮 - enryo).
They seem similar, but they are two completely different words.

While it's not so much the case now, I used to be a very reserved person in the past.

In a book I read recently,
I came across the phrase "Be considerate, but don't be reserved," and it immediately reminded me of my past self (lol).





For example, when talking in a group.

Even if I thought, "This could be better if we did it this way," I wouldn't say anything.

Because,
I didn't want to be seen as disagreeing.
I didn't want to spoil the mood.
So, I wouldn't speak.

This was not consideration; it was restraint.


An opinion like "This could be better" is not disagreement; it should be a positive attitude of looking ahead together, based on the other person's ideas.

If you think about how you say it and convey it after understanding what the other person is looking for, it will surely be understood properly.


That's how, by "considering" the other person's thoughts and thinking together, a good relationship should develop.



Also, there were many times when I forced myself to go to work even when I was feeling unwell.

I used to think, "If I take a day off, I'll cause trouble for those around me."

My thinking is completely different now.

If I work when I'm not at my best, I might cause others to worry about me.
I might make the atmosphere heavy.
If I had a cold, I might pass it on.


If that happens, I would cause many times more trouble.

Looking back now, I realize I was selfish and not thinking about others.

When you're not feeling well, take a proper rest and first recover your energy.

Then, make up for the time you took off.

I think that's much healthier.

Now, I'm focusing on prevention so I don't get sick in the first place!



Restraint might seem kind at first glance, but it can also involve a feeling of protecting oneself in that moment.

"Consideration" is important for others.
But "restraint" might not always be beneficial for others or oneself.



By the way,
When I ask my child, "What do you want to eat for dinner?"

They reply, "Yakiniku!"
"Hmm, anything else?"
"Sushi!"

Maybe they should be a little more reserved (lol)